Tampa Bay Food Monster

…eating food since 1985.

Chick-Fil-A’s NEW Oatmeal

Posted by Tampa Bay Food Monster on April 13, 2011

i was recently given a most cordial invitation to try out chick-fil-a’s brand new chicken-type product: oatmeal! …oatmeal? oatmeal. but oatmeal isn’t chicken-type. in fact, oatmeal doesn’t have any meat in it at all! it’s like… vegetarian or something. i didn’t realize those cows had it in for grains, too. does their hate know no end?

well, typically i go to chick-fil-a for their chicken. i know, i know, crazy, right? yeah well it’s true. their menu is simple, but perfect. as far as i’m concerned, they sell three food items: chicken sandwich. spicy chicken sandwich. waffle fries. and they have that honey roasted barbecue sauce, which is the nectar of the gods. they started a breakfast program, which is basically chicken thrown on a biscuit. and i’m okay with this. their chicken kicks ass, and it works in whatever they find to shove it in.

…so oatmeal, eh? BRING IT ON, CHICKEN FILLETS!

raw oatmeal

thar she blows. chick-fil-a’s patented oatmeal. and this ain’t your grandma’s oatmeal! comprised of MULTIGRAIN, and boasting A HINT OF BROWN SUGAR, this shit is sure to pack a punch directly to your colon! it had better. the oatmeal came in an 8 ounce bowl container with a plastic lid on it, and it came out steamy but not too hot to eat. it also came with a little goodie bag of fun prizes!

contents of the goodie bag

these fun prizes include, but are not limited to:

one (1) small baggy of dried fruits
one (1) small baggy of nuts
one (1) packet of cinnamon brown sugar
one (1) spoon
some (n) napkins.

as it turns out, they are not especially fun at all, but just add ins for the oatmeal. this disappointed me greatly, as i was hoping for another homies toy for my collection.

oatmeal consistency

so i went ahead and tried out the oatmeal as it came – plain. and it was. plain. bland. boring. it was thick. sticky. it tasted multigrainier than regular oatmeal. a bit more bitter. not sweet. detected no A HINT OF BROWN SUGAR. the texture was pretty agreeable, though. it was the right consistency. but tasty it was not.

oatmeal with all the fixins

so i threw all that other crap in there! dumped the whole packet of cinnamon brown sugar (i knew i’d be needing that), tossed in the mixed bag of dried fruits, and even added the nuts, despite my vicious tree nut allergy. i wanted flavor, and by god i was gonna get it. after a some quick stirring, i had something resembling a delicious bomb of breakfast vomit. oatmeal, at last!

and the taste? still pretty bland. faaaantastic. the cinnamon brown sugar, what i had expected to be this meal’s saving grace, was not nearly powerful enough. it did sweeten it, but not to a level that i could enjoy the oatmeal (and i do enjoy oatmeal, on occasion). the fruit was quite good, with raisins (both regular and golden), dried cranberries, and what must have been dried blueberries, which were quite pleasant. they were what i dug through the oatmeal to find, and were the enjoyable part of the meal. the nuts were decent too, with a hearty mix of almonds, pecans, and walnuts, maybe others? they added an nice crunch to the meal, but soon became little more than a bother as my throat began to swell and close up. “gotta give it a fair shake”, i deliriously thought to myself, “gotta eat all the nuts”.

no more oatmeal

and so i did. mission accomplished. thanks to my allergy, i had to struggle through the bowl, barely able to breath, face red and swollen, with an ambulance on its way. at this point i was on the floor, just trying to stay awake. the manager was at my side. “the oatmeal…” i sputtered out.

“yes?” she asked me, deep concern in her eyes.

“…the oatmeal. it… it wasn’t that great.” i breathed heavily. “…it wasn’t bad. but it was… nothing special.” i spasmed into a fit of coughs. “i mean,” i continued, “it’s just oatmeal.” at this i began violently seizing, moments away from death.

“oh my god! is there anything we can get for you??” asked the manager, frantic and scared.

i steadied myself. “a chicken biscuit sandwich. i’m… still hungry.”

a REAL MAN'S breakfast

and that’s what i got.

chick-fil-a, your breakfast is awesome. but oatmeal is lame. stick to chicken.


9 Responses to “Chick-Fil-A’s NEW Oatmeal”

  1. Rodzilla said

    It at least looks better than the others I’ve seen. Have you tried any others that you prefer?

    • i’m sure by comparison with most… fast food oatmeal, it ranks fairly well. but in the end, oatmeal is just not something i’m looking for in a fast food breakfast.

      honestly, and maybe this is just quaker oats brainwashing, but i really do enjoy the instant flavored oatmeal that you can buy in stores. because all the flavor! and i’m sure there’s plenty of sugar. it just feels a lot more complete to me, whereas this was just lacking. as i said, if the cinnamon/brown sugar had been a stronger flavoring, i would have enjoyed this much more.

      • It actually looks very good, and the mix of stuf they provide you looks great. I’m actually going to predict this will be a very good seller. I hate to question a fellow reviewer, but you sound like someone who comes in less than thrilled by oatmeal haha. I’ve had Jamba Juice’s oats and they were very good, so I wonder how this compares. Maybe they should swirl in a little butter or half and half on top. A little goes a long way to providing richness to the multigrain base.

        I dig savory oats. I’d eat this straight up with some butter, tabasco, and a chicken filet on top.

        • man i was thinking the same thing about throwing the chicken in there! and they have tabasco packets, too. hmm.

          but yeah you’re totally right. i just can’t see buying oatmeal at a fast food restaurant, or any restaurant for that matter. i would have never ordered this myself. that being said, i don’t hate oatmeal, but if it’s not made significantly more interesting than it tastes straight up, i’m not going to enjoy it.

          • Try it with bacon, figs, balsamic, maple syrup, and cracked black pepper.

            Or a fried egg, olive oil, and shaved romano w/ black pepper.

            When it comes to oatmeal I treat it like any grain. It’s a canvas. It’s what you do to it. My point is only that these oats look more interesting on their own than say what McDonald’s is doing.

            Shrimp and grits is a big deal. So is chicken and waffles. Not sure why nobody would make the connection between chicken and oatmeal.

            • damn those are some serious suggestions. i would love to try those. you’re right – this is the perfect platform for interesting combinations like that. honestly, i never really thought about oatmeal in that way, because grits also fill that role.

              as for the oats themselves, yeah, they had more going on, but i felt like they just gave me some trail mix to toss in there. but if they offered more options, such as the maple syrup, bacon, and the chicken, i think they could really have something interesting and worth checking out.

  2. […] Chick-fil-A attempts oatmeal. I hope they attempt beef next. (via Tampa Bay Food Monster) […]

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